When Things Go Wrong
It can take something to go wrong for us to realise how much we are holding ourselves back!
One day a few months ago I fell. Splat! One minute I was walking along and the next I was on the ground looking up at the blue sky. I knew immediately that I had cracked my ankle. People rushed to help. ‘Breathe’. I needed to be reminded. It soon became clear that I was not going to be able to walk on my ankle, so a motorbike was called to take me to the local hospital. Two men helped me to hop my way to the back of the motorbike. I am used to being independent. It is a strange feeling to accept help when you have made a career out of being independent. My friend calls from the crowd behind me as I leave, ‘This is a lesson in surrender and receiving help, Ann. Let go’
Let go! The thing is I didn’t see it coming (naturally). Even with hindsight it seemed like an out of the blue, random and totally unexpected turn of events that I would fall down a step and fracture my ankle. The unexpectedness of it dazzled me. ‘Something had to give’. It was my first thought when it happened as I lay there on the ground, breathing through the pain. What did it mean? Am I not able to stand on my own two feet? Do I need to stand up for myself? Do I need to change direction? Is this a lesson in surrender and receiving help? The rest of the day was a flow of being graciously helped, minded, cared for and attended to by a community of strangers and friends. The surprising thing was that far from being upset by the inconvenience and the pain, I was feeling that I had gained something back that I had lost. It was life’s gentle reminder that it was bigger that the sum of my plans.
Something had to give. What had to give? In my head I was saying I wanted things to be easy but I had begun to doubt myself. I had begun to think that I needed to work hard to make things happen. It would only happen if I made it happen myself. But maybe I thought on some level that if its easy then it’s not good, not right, not deserved, not permanent, not going to happen for me. But the intention was there. Let it be easy. Let it be good. Let it be bigger than myself. Let it come to me.
I heard a saying once if you want to make God laugh then tell him your plans. I presume that means that we might think we are in charge but we are not. Does that mean we shouldn’t have plans or purpose or even intentions for the day. Deciding what we want and going for it is an intrinsic part of life. It’s what we are here for. But once we know what we want the most important thing is to trust. When we trust, we are open to whatever happens, knowing that we will receive what is right for us.
A life of ease is not one where thing go right all the time or go according to plan. A life of ease is one that holds trust in itself at its deepest core.
When we trust we cannot be surprised. We see that whatever happens can only be part of the receiving. Our only question to anything that comes into our lives is: How is this part of the plan? How is it helping me to achieve my goals? Without trust – we think that we are on our own and we have to do it by ourselves. This lack of trust has many faces – it comes in the form of stress, worry, anxiety, resentment of compromises that have to be made, overwork, the feeling that you cannot relax until everything is done. This lack of trust is fuelled by our thoughts. They can be thoughts -that you never get what you want, that you cannot let people down, that you have to be excellent at everything you do, that you have to succeed all the time.
Any thought that takes us away from knowing that we are held by a loving and abundant presence is a limiting thought. A life of ease is not one where thing go right all the time or go according to plan. A life of ease is one that holds trust in itself at its deepest core. When things go wrong, far from being a disaster or a failure, we are given a wonderful opportunity to take a breath and stop. We grab hold of our thinking in the moment and ask how is it serving us. We can ask questions like: What else is possible for me other than this? Where in my life am I holding myself back? What needs to change?
These unexpected or unwelcome events become an invitation to step up, to grow and expand. That is how we bring back true passion into our lives. So the message for me was that I was playing small. I was limiting myself to what I thought I could achieve on my own merits. My head was saying, No, no, don’t move! No, you are not ready. But my body spoke otherwise. Trust the body! Breaking my leg has led me to step out of my comfort zone and start travelling. I don’t know how it will unfold. I don’t know where I will end up. But I do know that it will be bigger than anything I could do on my own.
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Ann Moloney Breathwork and Coaching.
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